How to Encourage Kindness and Gentleness in Your Children

You want your children to be kind and gentle. But how do we teach these things to our kids in a world that isn’t always kind or gentle? Here are a few ways to encourage kindness and gentleness in your children.

Define Kindness and Gentleness

For our family, the first step in teaching my kids to be kind and gentle was to stop using the word “nice” and begin to use the word “kind.” You may wonder, is there a difference? Yes, the Bible talks about being kind but not being nice.

To help my family, I made sure that we were using the words biblically. I used Baker’s Evangelical Dictionary of Biblical Theology to define gentleness and kindness.

Gentleness

I love that gentleness is founded on strength. It felt really important to remember this myself and teach it to my kids.

Definition: “Sensitivity of disposition and kindness of behavior, founded on strength and prompted by love.”

Key Scripture:
Proverbs 15:1 – the power of gentle words
Proverbs 25:15 – the power of gentleness
Matthew 11:29 – Jesus calls himself gentle of heart
2 Corinthians 10:1 – Paul appeals with the gentleness of Christ

Kindness

This one is hard because even the Bible Dictionary didn’t give a clear definition of kindness, but what I noticed is that it is much more different than simply being “nice.”

Definition: “An attribute of God and quality desirable but not consistently found in humans.”

Key Scripture:
Romans 2:4 – God’s kindness leads us to repentance
1 Peter 2:3 – We are drawn to spiritual growth by experiencing God’s kindness
Micah 6:8 – call to “love kindness”
Galatians 5:22-23 – the fruit of the Spirit includes kindness

Model

The best way to teach kids kindness and gentleness is to allow them to experience it by modeling. This way, they see what it looks like to act with those traits and know what it feels like on the receiving end.

Remember that gentleness comes from strength, and that means we don’t allow kids free reign with no discipline. We hold firm boundaries with kindness and gentleness, as in Galatians 6:1.

Jesus had a lot to say to hypocrites, and while we will sometimes fail to show kindness and gentleness, we don’t want that to be our main parenting style.

Modeling also allows us to demonstrate the way God responds to us with kindness and gentleness. Kids need to know that God’s loving-kindness leads us to repentance. Romans 2:4

Teach

We also want to put words into our actions. We can encourage our kids to be kind and gentle by teaching them what that looks like.
Kids learn best through play, so here are some playful ways to teach your children about kindness and gentleness.

Role plays – act out everyday situations, responding in both desired and undesired ways. Be silly and have fun with the situations.

Read picture books with kind and gentle characters. There are great Christian and secular ones such as The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld, Be Kind by Pat Zietlow Miller, or Last Stop on Market Street by Matt de la Peña.

Read Bible stories from your favorite children’s storybooks or full-text Bibles. You may share stories such as the Good Samaritan or Ruth and Naomi.

You can make up or find songs about kindness and gentleness. One of our favorites is Uncle Charlie’s Fruit of the Spirit.

You can also teach through do-overs. When your child has been unkind or not gentle, let them do it again with kindness and gentleness.

This models mercy and restoration while helping them learn to make better choices. It also helps their brains!

Celebrate

At our house, we play a celebration game called Tooty Fruity. In this game, we celebrate, or toot, the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. When we see a family member embodying love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, or self-control, we affirm it and celebrate.

Celebrating feels good, but it also helps our brains to grow more naturally in those kinder and gentler ways. Plus, it is fun!

Celebrating could be a simple “woohoo” and high-five or even a dance party. It doesn’t have to be fancy, time-consuming, or expensive.

Celebration is just a bit of joyful energy and recognition to affirm the good work based on Philippians 4:8, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (NLT)

While you want your children to be kind and gentle, remember to be kind and gentle to them when they mess up. They will mess up often, but encouragement, not shame, will help them draw closer to you and God and inspire them to try again.