3 Things Your Prodigal Needs to Hear From You

I hung up the phone and whispered a prayer for my friend. Nothing brings greater joy than knowing our children are walking in the truth (3 John 4). But the opposite is also true—nothing breaks our hearts quite like a prodigal child.

It’s devastating when a child walks away from their faith. The choices they make affect not just themselves but the entire family. As my friend experienced the ripple effects of her grown child’s decisions, she knew she needed to navigate it with wisdom and grace. Meanwhile, she wrestled with her conflicting emotions—anger, grief, frustration, confusion, sadness, desperation…and love.

“What do I do?” she questioned before we hung up. “How do I continue to love my child without compromising my values? Is it possible to stay true to my faith and maintain a relationship with someone who is living a life I don’t agree with?”

Yes, it’s possible. But it isn’t easy.

If your grown child has chosen a path that is leading them away from Jesus, here are 3 things your prodigal needs to hear from you.

I love you because…

If we’re honest, we don’t always feel love towards our prodigal child. Conflict, deception, and disagreements can leave us feeling disappointed, angry, and betrayed—not exactly the warm, fuzzy relationship we dreamed of having with our child!

When it’s difficult for you to see anything other than their bad choices, you can communicate your love by intentionally focusing on their positive attributes. Take a step back and really think about your child.

Are they hard-working, compassionate, or thoughtful of others? Perhaps they are articulate and driven or laid-back and trusting. It may take a little digging, but we are all made in God’s image, so there are glimpses of goodness even in the hardest hearts.

In addition to finding positive traits in your child, they must understand you love them simply because they are yours. The way your prodigal is treating you may cause you not to like them very much, and that’s okay! When my kids were young, there were occasions when they did not get what they wanted, and they would yell, “I hate you, Mommy!” Even though it felt like a knife to my heart, I would reply with a smile, “Well, I love you!”

The beautiful truth is that your love is not determined by how your child feels towards you. As 1 John 4:10 reminds us, “This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” The One who created and formed us declares, “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” (Isaiah 43:1)

Since our Heavenly Father loves us simply because we’re His, we can do the same for our prodigals. Communicating specific reasons we love them helps us see our child as more than just a prodigal. Taking a step back can soften our hearts and help us find ways to build a much-needed bridge toward a relationship.

I love you even if…

Seeing your child as more than a prodigal enables you to separate their choices from their worth. In this age of “cancel culture,” many people believe you must hate someone who disagrees with you. Likewise, we live in a world that desperately tries to convince people their desires determine their identity.

But you and I know better.

We can love someone even if we disagree.
We can support them even if they choose values that are different from ours.
We can forgive a person who betrays us even if they don’t deserve it.

Because your prodigal expects you to “cancel” them, you must communicate “I love you even if…”

After all, isn’t this how Jesus lived out His ministry here on earth? He reached out to people deemed unworthy. He demonstrated His love for us by dying for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). “Because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions…” (Ephesians 2:4-5).

This doesn’t mean you should justify your child’s sin. Changing your values or twisting the Truth to make it easier to love your child will not serve either of you well in light of eternity. Instead, Ephesians 4:15 encourages us to speak the truth in love so that we can become more mature and better reflect Christ. In fact, the combination of loving our prodigal while holding to our Biblical values may eventually help our child grasp the truth and grace offered by Jesus.

I love you always.

Whether your prodigal is rebellious, ashamed, addicted, or something else, deep down, their greatest need is to know they are loved unconditionally—by you and, ultimately, by Jesus. In the midst of the mess, it is challenging to know how to show that kind of love, especially when your feelings don’t always agree with your heart.

It helps me to remember God’s promise to Israel: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3). I think of Paul’s declaration in Romans 8: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (v. 38-39). This is how God loves us in our unfaithfulness, and it is how we are called to love our prodigal children.

In 1 Cor. 13:7, we read that love “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” I tend to focus on the verbs—protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres—and certainly those help us put our love into action. But repetition is a way of emphasizing something we need to remember. That means the most important part of this verse is the adverb. Always…

We must love always.
No matter what.
Even if we don’t agree.
In spite of how we feel.
Regardless of whether or not they “deserve” it or even want it.

Like Jesus, we must convey, “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

Now, love might look different in various circumstances. Sometimes, loving a prodigal requires boundaries and distance. Sometimes, our only opportunity to display love is through prayer. But remember, “always” is the important part.

Your prodigal needs to hear that you will love them always, no matter what.
Lord, I pray for the woman reading this who desperately wants to love her child well. Clothe her with strength, kindness, compassion, gentleness, and patience. Remind her that her child is ultimately Yours, and she can trust You to take care of them. Give her grace and wisdom to communicate what her child needs to hear exactly when they need to hear it. And do whatever it takes to draw their heart back to You, Jesus. Amen.