Are You Seeking God’s Kingdom First in Your Marriage?

My eyesight isn’t terrible, but I do much better when I’m wearing my reading glasses. Letters are distinct, and I’m not having to strain and work so hard to figure out what it is I’m reading. I’m less likely to get what I’m reading/writing/texting wrong. The lenses bring clarity.

Jesus invited His followers to look at the world through a particular lens. During His Sermon on the Mount, where He gave us instructions on how to live this life, He told us to “… seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to [us]” (Matthew 6:33, NASB). Seek first… Look for God’s Kingdom, His way of living life, first. And then everything else will make more sense. The lens brings clarity.

If we continually look through the lens of Kingdom living as we work, play, move, and interact with others, we will see others as God does. We will have a greater understanding of what is actually important and meaningful in this life. And we won’t try to make ourselves the center of everything. Imagine how much better it would be to live life this way every single day–to fully believe and function in such a way that proclaims that we are living in God’s Kingdom, that He is over everything and is good, and that He will care for us. When we believe that, we can stop striving to try to make everything work out for ourselves. We can trust.

Now imagine the impact that living this way can have specifically on our marriages. When we and our spouses first seek the Kingdom of God and look at life through the same lens, our marriages will reflect and honor God in many ways.

We will want God’s best for each other.

In God’s Kingdom, people love, serve, help, and share. No one works for their own ambitions or pleasures. We know that our marriages are intended to reflect Christ’s love for His Bride (the Church), and we know that He sacrificed Himself because of His love. As image-bearers of Jesus, we can demonstrate His love to our spouses by loving, serving, and wanting the very best for them.

We will work together, not against each other.

Many of us referred to Genesis 2:24 during our wedding ceremonies: “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (NASB). When we are living and working together as one flesh in our marriages, we are praying together, making decisions together, taking action steps together, and working toward the same goals together. We are not living to fulfill our own individual inclinations but rather to fulfill a higher calling of working together for God’s glory and purposes. Working together demonstrates our faith in action–that we believe as one flesh that God directs our steps and that we move as one flesh in obedience to Him. Living this way leaves a lot less room for divisive arguments and self-centered distractions.

We will have a greater purpose in life.

When we are intentionally looking and thinking beyond ourselves, and when we are working together with our spouses toward a common goal, we will naturally have a greater sense of purpose in life. We were created to commune with God and bring glory to Him with our lives. This is the greatest purpose we can have! When we live in such a way, we won’t get bogged down or distracted by our desires for earthly pleasures, possessions, or accolades. When we seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness first, as Jesus said, then “all these things will be added to [us].” And what are all these things? Everything that we actually need! God created us, and He knows exactly what is needed and what is good for us. He wants us to rest in knowing that He will fully care for us when we are fully seeking Him. When both husband and wife live in this assurance, there is both purpose and peace.

We will be generous.

God is generous to us, and He wants us to be generous to others. This is a practical way that we can demonstrate God’s love–by sharing our time, money, possessions, and other resources with people. Holding our earthly possessions loosely helps us remember that we are not citizens of this world; we are citizens of God’s Kingdom, and all that we have is from Him and for Him. And it’s so much fun to be generous to others! Participating in acts of generosity together with our spouses, swapping stories of how we’ve each been able to show God’s love to others in practical ways throughout the day, and looking for ways to be generous to each other are incredible life-giving elements in our marriages. When we are focused on being generous to others, there is less room to get caught up in our selfish desires. We are blessed by God so that we can be a blessing to others.

We will live from love, not fear.

Living in the Kingdom of God means that we know and trust that our King will provide for all of our needs. We don’t have to get caught up in worrying about food, drink, clothes, cars, jobs, or houses. We don’t have to worry about today or tomorrow, or the day after that. He is our Creator, our Provider, and our Joy, and He delights in taking care of us. When we fully know and believe in this depth of love and provision, we can live from a place of love and generosity toward others because we aren’t fearful that we have to take care of everything on our own. As John 4:18 describes, “perfect love casts out fear.” We don’t have to survive this life merely; we can have peace and joy–even amidst difficult circumstances that are guaranteed to come to us–in knowing that we are perfectly loved by God our Father. And what a beautiful way to live life together as a married couple!

My challenge to you today is to examine the lens through which you and your spouse are viewing life. Is there unity in that vision? Is there clarity? If not, invite God to help you refocus. Start by asking yourselves, “What are we seeking first?”