5 Ways to Pursue a Grace-Filled Marriage

Marriage can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions, decisions, and unexpected chaos. Then, throw kids into it, and the relational dynamics become even more complicated. Before you know it, the day-to-day schedule can leave your marriage feeling strained. Our human nature draws us into anger from unfulfilled expectations. Time to communicate even the necessary details can become difficult, let alone the deeper emotional concerns you may be experiencing. Tensions rise as you both struggle to survive. I get it. I’ve been there. Through God’s kindness, I have also learned that the only way to relieve that stress is by leaning into God’s love and grace for us. In Christ, we gain the strength to love our spouse well.

Our heavenly Father has a clear design for marriage that can be found in scripture. Husbands are to love their lives, and women are to respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-25;33). A marriage becomes a partnership where God calls us to seek Him and grow together. In 2 Peter 3:18 (ESV), Peter prays over believers, saying, “But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen”. So, how can we create a marriage that will withstand the inevitable stressors life brings? How can we intentionally pursue a grace-filled marriage?

Pray for your spouse. Doing this will require you to focus on the heart and needs of your spouse. It is an opportunity to pause, pray and put their needs above your own (Philippians 2:3-5). While this may not always be easy to do, pray for the strength and eyes to see your spouse through the eyes of Christ. As you do this, it becomes a beautiful way to serve your spouse. This will be a blessing to them as well as an encouragement to your own heart.

Don’t assume ill intent. This can be a tough one. In full disclosure, I still struggle with this one frequently. God has revealed to me that I often analyze my husband’s behavior from a limited viewpoint. My natural tendency is to assume that he is the problem in all circumstances pridefully. However, God has convinced me that if I approach each conversation with a willingness to trust that my spouse is not being difficult intentionally, it can make a big difference. When tensions rise, and you find yourself getting frustrated with your spouse’s actions, seek the Holy Spirit for encouragement to give them the benefit of the doubt. To pause and listen to their perspective instead of assuming ill-intent (James 1:19). Showing love, grace and understanding for your spouse’s perspective helps you both feel seen and heard.

Discuss expectations and determine compromises. Communication is key! I am sure you have heard that one before. Always seeking clear expectations and being open to compromise in any necessary areas helps give grace amid all the decisions to be made. Often, arguments arise when there are unmet expectations. Making sure you take the time to communicate clearly about your expectations helps both spouses feel heard. This helps create an environment where both spouses can better meet each other’s needs and work together to reach goals.

Prioritize your marriage. While your relationship with your heavenly Father is the priority, your relationship with your spouse should be the next priority. Marriage requires intentional work and time spent nurturing that relationship for it to be successful. Plan dates, schedule nights to do something fun together, serve together, and discuss your hopes for the future. Devote time to sharing experiences and goals for the years ahead. All these things help continuously nourish your marriage so that you can grow together.

Pursue your spiritual growth. Prioritizing your relationship with Christ and seeking sanctification will help bring joy, peace, and wisdom to your life. As you become more like Christ, you gain the strength in Him to consistently bear love, patience, and gentleness with your spouse. Pursuing Spirit growth brings discernment and guidance in the Holy Spirit for all of life’s daily decisions (James 1:5).