5 Ways to Have a Marriage Rooted in Christ

My husband and I have been together for almost two decades. In some ways, it feels like that time has flown by. At other times, we feel the years spent together. From teens to young adults to parenting, there are so many milestone memories. So many discussions and decisions, a life built together. Anyone who has been married for even a brief period knows the spectrum of feelings having a spouse can bring. Deep love, but also deep frustration. Beautiful moments, but also painful ones. Navigating each decision, goal, and plan can be sprinkled with a variety of emotions spinning both spouses. Sometimes, it can feel so easy to be on the same page, while other times, it feels like you will never find your way back to even the same book. Our feelings collide, creating beautiful harmony but also painful dissonance in other circumstances. Scripture tells us our feelings are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). Something Satan will use against us. So, how does our faith inform our marriage? How do we create a union that is rooted in Jesus? I hope these Biblical Truths from scripture can help you as they have helped me.

Pursue your spiritual growth.

The first step to having a healthy marriage is making sure you are doing your part to the best of your ability. This means making efforts to encourage your faith walk. Your relationship with Christ impacts every other relationship you have, especially those you are closest to. Being rooted in Him determines how well we bear fruit, impacting those around us (John 15:8).

Pray for your spouse.

This intentional act will help recalibrate your perspective. It is a way to serve your spouse and soften your heart towards their perspective. It also helps remind you what God is doing in the life of your spouse. Praying on behalf of someone else postures your heart so that you can see them through the eyes of God, humbly placing their needs above your own in that moment (Philippians 2:3-5).

Make decisions through the lens of scripture.

Those feelings can get tricky, especially amid an important decision. Anchoring those decisions in the wisdom and discernment God provides not only what He calls us to do but also offers freedom from the tension that our feelings can bring. Make intentional efforts to seek God’s will and wisdom. By diving into prayer and scripture together, conviction and discernment from the Holy Spirit can guide each step. Our heavenly Father has promised that He will provide wisdom to anyone who asks (James 1:5).

Love your spouse as Christ loves you.

Jesus is our model for how to love. That includes how to love our spouse. Admittedly, it can sometimes be easier to love strangers than those closest to me. It will require us to be filled with the love of Christ in overflowing abundance so that we can pour into our spouse. That means making intentional efforts to remember God’s faithful love and intentionally sharing that with your spouse. It is only in His strength and grace-filled conviction that we can learn to love our spouse through each season of life (1 Corinthians 13:4-6).

Fight with love and grace.

Disagreements can and will happen. We must be willing to accept that, and instead of avoiding them, we must be willing to learn how to navigate disagreements healthily. Pray for ears to listen well, a compassionate heart willing to relate to their perspective and the endurance to pursue conflict resolution. My husband and I have a set expectation that at the end of each argument, we both apologize–knowing that by the time an argument arises, we have both done or said something that hurt the other. We make intentional efforts to train our hearts and minds toward giving each other grace and forgiveness. Both of us get a chance to share our perspectives (preferably without the other interrupting). Making sure others feel seen and heard is a huge part of loving others, and our marriage is a prime example of how important these things are (Ephesians 4:32).