God and My Sex Life

To be honest, I did not want to write about this topic. Nope. Not one bit. When a message appeared in my inbox suggesting I blog about this topic, my head thought, “No way. Don’t wanna go there.” Christians and their sexual choices . . . it’s such a sensitive, heavy topic. I didn’t want to deal with it at all. It’s so hard to talk about this stuff without sounding judgy. And I never know what to say.

Which is exactly why I felt God nudging me—I had to write about it. Because I don’t like dealing with this issue, and I don’t really know how. But as much as I hate to admit it, the issue’s not going away. (And before I go on, let’s be clear that I’m just as guilty of breaking commandments as anyone else. I come at this topic without judgment. It is God’s place to judge, not mine.)

To continue this theme of honesty, I’m going to be really truthful: It breaks my heart how Christians have detached their faith from their sexual choices and viewpoints. ChristianMingle.com recently asked Christian singles ages 18 to 59, “Would you have sex before marriage?” The percentage who said yes was 63%. That means there are Christians out there who feel that what God says about sex either doesn’t speak to them or doesn’t give them a compelling enough reason to dissuade them from having it before marriage.

I wish I could say that surprises me, but it doesn’t. Last week, I mentioned to the Christian girl who does my nails that my sister has a great new boyfriend, a guy who’s going to school to be a pastor. The first words out of her mouth were, “Wait, so does that mean they’re not going to have sex before marriage?”

Um, yes. But their choice has nothing to do with him being a future pastor. Imagine her response when I told her that my husband and I had waited too.

I can’t tell you how many Christians, even Christian friends, made fun of Kyle and me for that choice. Even worse, so many of them expressed pity and concern for me that I was missing out.

Missing out? Hate to break it to you, but I didn’t just save myself for marriage because I’m a good Jesus girl. Yes, we should obey God even when it’s not easy or convenient, but there’s more to obedience than simply appeasing an unreasonable God just to make him happy. Sex is God’s gift to married couples—an intimacy meant to bless the two people who share it. Though it wasn’t always easy, I am thankful that my husband and I chose to share that gift with only each other.

When did we Christians decide to start viewing God’s laws as punishments, as meaningless oppression imposed upon us by a meanie-pants, out-of-touch God? Have we forgotten the beautiful truth that he gave us his laws to bless us? I didn’t make the choices I made just for God—I made them for myself and my husband and my future children too.

I still struggle when this whole topic comes up in conversation. It’s never easy to decide how to react. I think what I need to strive for is finding a place between the two extremes—responding like a judgmental Pharisee or not defending my values at all. The law does not change hearts, but silence doesn’t help either. Instead, I’m trying to find a way to focus on the beautiful gifts our loving Father has wrapped up for those who obey. (And that even for those who think it’s “too late” for them, God eagerly wants to bestow forgiveness and second chances.) Turns out the people “missing out” are actually the ones God will bless abundantly.